Finding them loveable

For those who don't know my work, I'm a Pharmacist but I'm currently working in a completely different role as a User Acceptance Test Manager (UAT) -- people who work in Project Management would know all about UAT. This role involves creating tests for software, coordinating the running of those tests, logging the problems and making sure the fixes get done in the given timelines . 


I'm still new to this role, and I have some great support from experienced people who seem to have a lot of faith in my ability to do something I'd never done before! I'm totally loving it and am very thankful for this opportunity. I never thought I'd get into something so geeky, and so totally outside of Pharmacy.


My role also involves some management. I have people in my team whose background is more clinical than technical; and before they ever got into this project, most had minimal computer literacy skills. I've learned to look at each individual's skill-set and direct them to work that would best benefit them AND the team. 


For example, I had one team member who was great at looking at the details and telling you what should be considered - but there's no way now that I'd ever give him test scripts to write (from painful experience). It's just not worth it! Instead, he helps me test the tests, and check for problems. He's ace at that. He's my best defect-finder because he's anal about detail.  


Because he is quite a few years my senior, it took him some time to get used to taking instructions from me. I was driven to exasperation, and got into some unpleasant conversations with him in the beginning until I worked out what his strengths and weaknesses were. Now I believe we have mutual respect for each other. I'm so glad we can turn to God for His counsel! It never fails. It turns out he's a great joker, is vulnerable about his weaknesses, and is a devoted single parent who often feels overwhelmed with life. 


I have another colleague who had me learning patience as well. Her IT and memory skills are probably the lowest of all in the team, and was a source of anxiety when we did our first round of testing because I would literally be called to her desk every 5 minutes to help her out with something. She would get stuck on little details when I expected her to be able to assess it in the bigger scheme of things, put things in place to either fix it or get it discussed to be fixed, then move on. She might be able to do the first two things, but she had trouble moving on. Talking with her when you're in a hurry is an exercise in speech engineering to bring her back to the task at hand (think tangents - lots of them). Otherwise, she's great to chat with - she's always willing to sit with you and give you her full attention. But I wondered whether she would be of any help at all in the beginning!


Her best characteristics, however, are her persistence, and willingness to learn. She'd push on regardless of how long it took to finish, and she was always cared about what she was doing. She would make herself do something again and again in order to learn it properly. It turns out she's wonderful at pinpointing areas that require training precisely because she's had the same troubles herself. She'll be a great trainer in time to come.  
Lately, she's being challenged again in the area of test script writing. She'd done it before so I thought she'd be fine but it turns out I was wrong!


I volunteered to help her move on with her work as she was getting hung up on the details again.Yet, when I started talking to her, it quickly moved off into other realms of this project. As I stood looking at her today, wondering how I could bring her back from her tangent to the test script she needed to get fixed, then be able to finish it quickly (and doing it again and again and again), I found myself smiling at her tangents. And realised that she didn't exasperate me anymore.


Over the last few months, I've learned that she not only gets along great with girls, but is the kind of girl (well, she's in her 50s) that guys feel comfortable being blokey around. She loves it and can talk about the same subjects with them. Not all girls can do that - the rest of us get bored. She's had some tragedy in her life but she's become stronger because of it. She loves a great laugh and is always smiling. She loves to party, and especially luuuurves her wine and cheese. She also enjoys horseback riding and goes on motorbike road trips with her husband. Cool hey?


What am I going on about? Well, I've learned something from these two (especially).There are stories I could tell of other people who started off being annoying -- but it was these two who especially tested my patience. But as I came to understand them, I found that I could accommodate for their weaknesses more and more. I look at them now, and instead of wanting to pull my hair out, I smile and think to myself, 'there they go again'. And find them loveable.


I read one of Karen Cheng's blogticles (Karen has great tips for fashion shopping online btw) today for the date of 24 February and noticed how she wrote about her 23 month old son: "It’s kind of annoying, but at the same time very cute. And because he is my last baby, I can feel myself looking past all his peculiarities and going all lovey-dovey on him."


My Uncle really cemented it for me when he shared his own feelings of exasperation with team members in his church in Malaysia, and how, if he stops to look at them through God's love, finds them 'ke ai' ('cute' in mandarin). I hadn't thought of it that way before -- that you could deliberately choose to look at an annoying person through God's eyes and find something cute in them!


Now, I don't exactly go 'lovey-dovey' about my two colleagues but I do find myself looking past their peculiarities and appreciating them for who they are. Finding that they are precious, significant individuals - not just someone I happen to work with.


All this didn't come about by itself. It all started with a family friend who has some mild cognitive and memory impairment. It was because of her that I could do this with anyone at all. She lives in a home now because she'd be a risk to herself, although no one's told her that. I started off tolerating her constant repetitive conversations. She'd tell the same story a hundred times. She'd tell you that she's planning to do something one week, and by the next week, she's still talking about it as if it was a new thought. It's the same with her problems. It happens EVERY time I see her again. The same themes are always revisited -- her children, her goal to wake up early to pray, musing over whether or not to stay at the home or move out. And they hardly ever progress, though if they do, it is slow.


After tolerating it, I got sick of it. After getting sick of it, I prayed about it and a thought came to me: 'what if she was your grandmother?' That changed it for me. God began to talk to me about seeing treasure in people, then treasuring them. So I asked Him to help me see it with this family friend. Now I just smile and nod indulgently now when she tells me something I've heard thousands of times - she seems so excited over it that I have no heart to tell her so. And I just enjoy her bubbly happiness to just be with my family everytime I take her over for prayer meetings.


I've learned from her to pray using scripture. I knew about it before, but never really sought to integrate it into my prayers. She taught me by example, and by her passion for the unsaved.She's taught me a lot, really, without knowing it.


It's still not an automatic thing - there are always other people to test your patience. But I thought I'd share as it's been a special learning experience for me. Finding them loveable through the eyes of God -- there's definitely treasure to be discovered!