I'm still mulling over 'peace', and I've stumbled across a thought that I'd like your opinion on.
My thought is that there is a difference between emotions, and the peace that Jesus said He has given us. I think we tend to gauge our level of peace by the placidity of our emotions. I think our emotions aren't always a great gauge because they might be on different planes all together. We can allow God's peace to rule our emotions so that they reflect one another, but for me, I haven't gotten to stage where I can do that consistently.
I remember a job interview a few years ago at one of the big metropolitan hospitals in Melbourne. It was one of my first hospital interviews, and I was frankly terrified. The mere thought of the day struck terror in me. I prayed about it incessantly. I was afraid to be late, afraid that I wouldn't know what to say, afraid that I'd make the wrong impression.
I wasn't sure if I really wanted to be there since I hadn't worked at a hospital yet, but I knew I wanted to give it a go. I desperately wanted the interviewers to like me. During the week leading up to the interview, God spoke to me through a Parachute song (I'd bought a bargain pack of 6 CDs for half price and was making the most of it).
I forget the title of the song but the chorus went like this, "You're the shepherd of my heart, I'll trust you/ wherever you lead, I'll follow/ You'll lead me on..."
I remember a light bulb went on that day, and I realised,
God will lead me to the place He's prepared for me. That particular hospital may or may not be the one for me -- I just had to give my best. Whether I got the job or not didn't matter because God already had a place in mind - and He'd make sure I'd get there. That realisation took a load off my shoulders and I went to that interview with joy, and a measure of peace that was a real relief after weeks of stress and fear.
I remember distinctly that I still felt nervous - but I was no longer terrified, and significantly for me -- I wasn't afraid of what they would think of me. No matter what, it was going to be alright. That deep assurance and tranquility I felt I on the day of the interview was so strong that I was rejoicing throughout the interview at this new revelation of God's provision and care for me. I felt light, free. But I cared about getting this job if it was meant to be mine so I was still a bit tense, and slightly breathless during the interview.
So - there was a sort of duplicity that day, if you like, of trust, and some nervousness that you could still interpret as distrust. So which was it? Was it fake assurance, or was it the fact that the spirit was at rest in the spirit realm, while the emotions were still carrying on being carnal?
It could be argued that if we truly trusted in God, we'd have no fear. I wish I could be there. I'd love to be completely free from fear, and I believe that it is possible. But we DO have errant emotions that are hard to control sometimes. I think it's possible to have
shalom, and still be understandably troubled by something we see or hear.
What do you think? I'm open to hear of your own thoughts and experiences!
